I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. (Yeah, I know. I can hear my sibs saying, "don't hurt yourself, there").  It's almost been a re-evaluation of what I know to be true.  Well... let me take that back. Not so much what  I know to be true,  but how it applies these days.  How do the truths I know are true from life experience and from training and study apply to me where I am?

I haven't come up with anything earth-shattering yet.  Mainly, it's a slow process, thinking through things as they cross my mind. Our ideas about 'church' were just the first part of the process, I think.  When you reconsider things you've thought were true forever and thought wouldn't change, it makes you take a good hard look at  everything else. 

There are basic truths I know to be solid, real, and forever.  Those things, very basic though they be, are what I'm working from. However, I've seen that many people who believe those same core things believe a myriad of different other things, sometimes different at different points in their lives.  (You know, the whole "different river" argument.)  Maybe there won't be anything that makes me completely twirl around in circles and redesign everything, but it's sure an interesting experience. 

I don't think I'm doing the unnecessary here.  I think it's something that everyone, no matter what their core beliefs are, should do from time to time.  Heck, you may even find a reason to change the core somewhat.  But 'I know in Whom I have believed', and that's enough for me. 

Who knows where this will lead, but it's happening. 

---

In other news, I am a little annoyed at the pharmacy we went to today. I got a ride to Wal*Mart and got Will's medication, and they only had four doses of it.  Told me to come back for more tomorrow.  I tried to explain that I'd really rather come on the weekend when my husband could take us, but that wasn't happening. So, I'm pretty sure they were completely out or something. I can't think of another reason to put us off like that. 

Tomorrow, I am taking Anna to the preschool to see if she needs speech therapy like Will. She has much better speech than he, but her rs are nonexistent, as are the s' in the prefix blends. "Star", therefore, turns out to be "tah."   I think she'd benefit from the school environment in other ways, as well. She'd learn to speak up around others outside her family and she'd learn to take turns. Or learn that every other preschooler wants a turn to be 'first'.  (That's been her big thing lately.  "I be fuhst.") 

It's kind of silly, but I've been playing FF8 again, trying to beat it, and this time through, I've been near tears several times thinking about the implications of the storyline.  Things like their discovery of who raised them and all that entails, as well as the convoluted relationships between Squall and Riona and those closest to them.  (I have a theory on that one, but I don't want to spoil the storyline for anyone who cares, so I'll keep it to myself. However, it makes for an almost soap-opera like mess.)
I've been enjoying it, though, so I guess that's a good thing. 

I switched from Firefox to Opera recently. I still use Firefox for a few things, but Opera is handling things more quickly and efficiently.  I don't know what the problem is with Firefox lately, but I haven't been exceedingly happy with it.  So, I put Opera as default and just switch over for those things I need. I don't like that it doesn't have a good "delicious" widget, but maybe the "opera link" will do what the other will. I dunno. 

We've been talking with a local thrift store (run by/for an animal shelter) and have decided to work for them. Since everything is given to them, R figured he'd offer to help sell stuff for them.  They get given whole estates of stuff sometimes, and often, there are things in there that are extremely valuable. Others have possible value depending on collectors and time, etc.  For their part, they're glad to get more than just a pittance out of it.  So, we're working toward finalizing the plans to sell these things to people who are looking for them, either through our vast networks of friends / acquaintances, or through ebay.  So, if you collect a certain kind of thing, and are looking for something, maybe we've got it. It's probably a long shot, but there are some interesting things.  I'll put a link to my list of auctions when I get them up, and if something interests you, then... it's for an animal shelter, and we get a wee bit for doing it. 

Soon, I'll put up some of the things R and I have been talking about in reference to the traditional western "church" and people our age and younger.  We're realizing, as I've said, that a lot of the way church is done doesn't catch many of that age group.  So, we've got kind of a backwards look to it  that we're considering.  I'll probably post a lot of that here when we get it more structured and worded in ways people can understand.  So far, the people I've talked to about it have been intrigued. 

So, this has been rolling around in my head for several days. 

In the time of the Prophets in scripture,  Elisha healed a man named Naaman.  He told him to go bathe in the river, dip seven times and be healed.  Ok.  He was.  Good. After that, he offered Elisha stuff for his troubles.  Elisha turned the stuff down.  Well, Elisha's servant Gehazi decided he wanted the stuff.  So, he tracked Naaman down and told him that Elisha had changed his mind.  He came back, and gave the stuff to Gehazi.  Gehazi was found out and punished, yadda yadda yadda. 

What's been bothering me is this:  Did Elisha acquiesce to the request Naaman made of worshipping Jehovah in Dagon's presence at least partially because of  Gehazi's behavior?

I'm sure the primary reason it was allowed is because "the Lord looketh on the heart."  Yes.  We all know this.  But I got to thinking.  How did Jehovah appear to Naaman when the primary servant of the go-between is corrupt and twists things for his own ends?  He probably couldn't see the difference between the religions, except for the fact that Jehovah was powerful enough to heal, whereas Dagon wasn't.  So, he figured the same manner of worship would work. 

I wonder if God let that be because He knew how it looked? 

I think I've found a prayer project for Lent.  It came about in kind of a strange way.  If you want to join me, I'd love it.  There is a gal, (whether she's serious or not, she could use the prayer, I think), who says she's going to kill herself in 90 days.  Lent's done about halfway through that.  Her blog is http://90dayjane.blogspot.com/ .   If several of us get together and pray for her, maybe, either she will find the truth she's looking for, or she'll at least find some reason other than "Halo 3" to stay alive.   Even if she's not serious, she could use the prayer. 

HT: whobyfire78 

4 die in Colo. church, mission attacks - Yahoo! News:

This is really scary.  I'm YWAM Associate (fancy language for I used to work with YWAM), and this struck me.   So random, so unnecessary.  I don't know what to think.  I don't think, as a friend or two have suggested, that it's the fault of having guns around.  I think it's the fault of having sin in the world. 
Between this, the crap at R's work (oh, pray, because he might get fired tomorrow if they don't get things figured out), and worrying about my father, it's like all the safe places in the world just got hit by a hurricane or asteroid. I know this was not something He wanted, but I do know He's not against using such things to teach goobers like me lessons.
I will tell you more when the lesson hits me in the head.  It usually has to. 
It's too late to say more now, just because it's nearly midnight, and I am the only member of the family awake who didn't nap. 
It's just a lot to deal with in one  fell swoop, though. 

four parts of a sign. I don't remember Stoeke (sp)'s names for them, but I do remember their purposes.
1. Handshape
2. Movement
3. Location
4. Facing / Orientation!

Somebody posted a sign, and I was trying to picture it, but they only put three out of four of the parts, and it makes it hard.   It's easier to read a word if you've got all the letters. Heh.

In Pern news, I'm playing three characters, and finally enjoying every one of them.  Mostly because I'm starting to find capable players / RP'ers that really do want to RP with me.  I'm just hoping I'm not turning into what I ran  hard and fast away from in my first experience. Trying not to, but if I do, please, somebody (who is RPing with me)  hit me upside the virtual head with a virtual 2 by 4.  Thanks. 

Mom left Monday.  She helped me get most of my house clean, which was a real blessing. She also encouraged me in a way that only a mother can, no offense to MIL.  So, I've been working hard to keep it up, and slowly finish the job.  I'm finding that if I keep the right attitude, and I keep at it, it's worth it, whether it looks perfect or not. Besides, I don't want it perfect, because then I won't feel comfortable living there. But now, at least I don't have to pass a dex check to get from one part of the room to another.  That's the part I want to keep. 

We're really trying to get our ministry going, and right now, the big issue is something that is always an issue with me, or so it seems.  Babysitting.  I've got to find someone reliable to watch the kids while I have meetings and things.  Right now, I can't even find someone to watch them for an hour or two so I can go on a date with my husband.  The teen I had been using to help clean / watch the kids has suddenly developed reliability issues, so I have no idea who to ask.  Yet another consequence of not having a "bosom buddy."   I just get so nervous and afraid of rejection, I guess, about asking people I only sorta know for help with these things.  And, plus, if I only sorta know them, and don't seem to be heading toward knowing them well, then maybe I shouldn't leave my kids with them.  Dunno.  Prayer point for praying folks. 

Anyway, It's getting on toward midnight, and the nap I took was catchup for earlier, not prep for tonight, so I'm going to go to bed.

Things are going interestingly.  Today, I feel like I'm swimming up a strong river with only short arms and poor legs or something.  Apparently, this is part of some of my girl stuff, so it's not unusual, but not fun, either. 
Of course this stuff is happening this week.  Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, Thursday noon (MST) R and I will be making a presentation at a pastor's luncheon.   We've had so many "Divine Appointments" (to slip into YWAM slang) about this that it's downright crazy.  I'm going to have to completely trust Him for this week, because if today's any example, it's not going to be me one bit. So, those of you praying folks... yeah, you know.  

I've been having some interesting dreams.  Last night, I dreamed the four of us (my family) moved into a small apartment. It had two bedrooms (one for the kids with bunk bed with pink blankets and one for R and I) I saw all the shelves, all the closets and everything. Just a really, really strange dream. 

We had our gamer buddy over last night, and another friend showed up. That was kinda fun.  I tried to get the other guy laughing about some stuff, because he's had a rough week. I hope it helped.  

I'm still feeling like something is emerging in me.  Perhaps it will be discovered through what I initiated Thursday.  I went to talk to the Pastor about the stuff we've been doing for this ministry, and also mentioned that I'm interested in possibly furthering my education and certification in ministry.   So, I got the starter book from him.  There were some interesting ideas in there. One sounds really good. I don't know what all the requirements are, because the book was a little sketchy.  I think I'm going to check it out. It can't hurt though. 

I was Lay Leader Sunday morning, and I think I did better this time than I did last time. I was more aware of what I was doing, and didn't forget part of it.  The passage I read was long, but I did alright.  Then, after that, we did a presentation in Sunday School for our class about the ministry we're looking into. I was nervous, unsure it was the right time for it. But R did most of the talking, and it turned out wonderfully.

Saturday night, we went out on what they call "The Full Moon Walk" at our local Zoo.  They stay open a couple hours later, letting people in for the first half hour, and station people along the route with red covered flashlights and directions (because the route is different) That was a lot of fun. I asked Will if he enjoyed himself, and he says:  "Yes and no."  R stopped to talk to some people, and apparently, that took too long for him.

Longer than I expected. Lot going on, I guess. 

I have the memory of a stereotypical Pernese dragon.  I can't remember important things that happened over a year ago, and from there, the levels of importance dictate how long I remember anything. My poor husband has the memory of an Oracle sometimes, and has to remind me that he'd already told me that... 

I love the way my son says things. Part of me is hesitant to teach him the correct way to speak, because I just love hearing him say, when we're reciting the Lord's prayer for bedtime, "Not lead us into temptation"  I can't remember all the cute things he says, or how he says them, but like last night, we were going to the fireworks stands to check prices, and he found one of my old empty wallets right before he left. He decided he would be a policeman, and by extension, all the rest of us were policemen.  So, about half a dozen times on the mile  long trip or so to the stands, he calls to me from the back seat. "Policewoman momma?"  "Yes, policeman Will?"  etc. Also, we were finding clues to solve the mystery while trying to find his shoes.  

I didn't get to go to my little brother's  wedding.  I still regret that. But there was no earthly way we could have made it. I've reconciled myself to that fact, but it still hurts from time to time.  I love my little brother. Living in a separate state from every member of the family has its disadvantages.

I'm so  nervous about this new ministry thing.  (Which I now realize I haven't posted here about).  This  guy in our church has been working with the homeless for quite a while, taking them for showers, taking them food a couple times a week, and such.  He's been feeling the need to branch out.  I've been feeling the need to work with something, so I went to talk to him when he mentioned needing  help.  I've had some ideas, R's had some ideas, and I'm probably going to help start a Love INC affiliate here. We've had several churches in town who all worked together during the flooding here, and the youth of about 8-10 churches get together every year to work in what they call "Mission Carlsbad".  The kids fix up houses for people who can't do it themselves.  Things like roof repair, installing plumbing things, painting, stuff to just make places more home for the people who live in them.  So, why not do it full time. I'm excited, but nervous as can be. I'm hoping the lady calls me back (From Love INC).  I'm just nervous, but it's more like nervousness before Will was born.   Maybe this is it.  

Quote from John Watson's "The Mind of the Master" as quoted in The Nature and Character of God by W. A. Pratney (Winkie)

"how can one be certain Jesus is God? There are four lines of proof. The first is to cite reliable evidence that Jesus rose from Joseph's tomb. This is for a lawyer. The second is historical--the existence of the Christian church--this is for a scholar. The third is mystical--the experience of Christians--this is for a saint. The fourth is ethical--the nature of Jesus' life--this is for everyone. The last is the most akin to the mind of Jesus who was accustomed to insist on the self-evidencing power of His life... Even His blind generation was arrested by Jesus. There was note in His words that caught the ear, the echo of divine authority; there was an air about him, the manner of a larger world. No man could convince him of sin, no man confound him. He was ever beyond criticism. He ever compelled admiration in honest men. 'You are the Christ,' said a Jewish peasant with instinctive conviction, 'the son of the Living God.' "

The quote goes on, but that was the part that struck me. I've been thinking a lot, especially about the stuff I read through Lent, and it's swirling around in my brain connecting to things, and making a difference.

It's been forever since I've written much that was a real update. Anna had her birthday last week, and it went well. Laid back and simple. I'm learning not to put so much expectation into something that I'm sure to be disappointed. I did hope for a fun time, and I was rewarded. I'm meeting with a "spiritual director" on Sunday to begin being mentored by her. She is a neat lady, and has been on the mission field, so we will speak the same language in some things. I'm looking into Garrett Seminary's "spiritual direction" program. I'd like to do it this spring, but a lot depends on whether R gets the art thing off the ground.

I quit going to small group, or at least spending every Tuesday night trying desperately for a ride and then fuming for the rest of the night because I wasn't able to. It was more frustrating than it was worth, and it was not helping much when I was there, because I'd been so out of the loop. I felt that was the best thing to do until I can get some of this figured out. I was hoping for a YWAM type small group, and it's more "coffee klatch" than "let's keep each other accountable". When you don't mesh well with the people, "coffee klatch" doesn't work. I may try another one in awhile, but I want to take a break and make sure I'm ready for it, instead of going expecting to be filled and getting super-disappointed again. Maybe I'm taking the wrong attitude with this, but when something becomes this big of a frustration, I step back and see what needs to change. And, look, it's probably me!

I lost my temper sunday morning. With the CE director. It was over something stupid, but she's a member of said small group, and I let the frustration I've been having with that, coupled with the feeling of being stuck between what R wants and what they're doing and it just spilled over. I was so mad. I just yelled as I walked away (we had sunday school outside), but still felt really stupid, and then felt stupid for feeling stupid. You know how that goes. I get so embarrased at showing negative feelings sometimes... But we talked it out, and got at least some sort of consensus, and we'll work some more to make it better for both of us. Ugh. I hate losing my temper though.

William came home with a sillhouette of a person and he's supposed to draw what he wants to be when he grows up. "I wanna be 'dokkor' when I grow up." So, I drew the picture, and he colored it. Rather wildly, but there's no question he's done his " homework" as he calls it. Heh.

I also wanted to add that I am so proud of my husband. He's going through so much crap at work, it's not even funny. I just realized that it's almost been 5 1/2 years, and I'm so much more in love with him.... So proud of him... I posted on the Pweb forums in the "positive relationship" thread or whatever it's called, about how much he is patient and kind and loving...I'm just blessed.

I talked to my elder sister for awhile today, and she is doing well. She sounded a lot more like herself than she has in awhile. That was good.

I do not think that I will ever reach a stage when I will say, "This is what I believe. Finished." What I believe is alive... and open to growth.
Madeleine L'Engle

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
I'll tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

God's doing some stuff in us... He started last night wtih something that hurt a lot. It wasn't a big thing, just one of those things that began as a misunderstanding and blew up from there. It got resolved, but it made both of us think.
Today, Will started school. He's there right now. I hope things go well...

I am still waiting for responses to the posts I put on the Yahoo group. I hope people are reading them. I've done what I could; it's up to others to read them. Trying to be patient and not lose hope or get ahead is a very tough task. I'm working on it. We got the rest of parental approval which was a huge step. It's pretty obvious that something's going to happen. I'm writing again.

Here's something I wrote today.

---

Redeemer

Can You restore what the locusts have eaten?
Can You redeem what the years let slip away?
Can You replace the things I’ve lost on the highway?
Can You remind me of Your truth every day?

That’s why they call You redeemer.
That’s why they call You the King.
You can restore what the locusts have eaten—
You fill my heart with joy till it sings

Can You return me to where I once knew You?
Straighten the paths ‘neath my wand’ring feet?
Strengthen the limbs that have fallen, oh, so weary—
Relieve my throat parched with desert heat?

That’s why they call You redeemer.
That’s why they call You the King.
You alone can restore me to favor—
You fill my heart with joy till it sings.

I liked this:

( A SEAL in action )

I know I've posted this before, but I'm going to do it again. If anyone's interested in our Mercy Flight Yahoo Group, here's the code thingy making it easy to sign up. I moderate new members because it's public. I decided to set it up that wy so if anyone wanted to subscribe to it via RSS they could.

Subscribe to MercyFlight
Powered by groups.yahoo.com

Emergence at Google Notebooks.

I'm keeping up on this study, and here's where I'm saving the bits.
CC, if you object to being quoted as quoting, let me know, and I'll change that one.

If you want to keep up with me, that's where I'll do some of it. Probably more of it here, too, since this may be the answer (or part of it) to what I've been fussing about for awhile....

I've been wrestling with some things lately, and I'm finding that the answers aren't as easy as I'd really like. I'd like for someone to hand me the answers in a fully thought out, fully cohesive, comprehensive mass. Unfortunately, I'm finding out that He doesn't work that way. I guess if He did, I'd have no more growing to do, and life would be purposeless.
Our small group is reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. It's an interesting book. I looked up some of the reviews and connections to it, and I'm not sure what I think of what I found. There's a movement called Emergence (or Emergent Church) that makes some sense, but also throws some red flags up. Bell himself makes sense to me, especially as I discuss it with the group. It strikes chords in some of those areas I've been talking about here.
But it seems dangerous. Well, maybe "Dangerous" in the sense that my brother-in-law used when I described what I was taught in SOTB. It's empowering. Is it Biblical for us to feel empowered? I don't know if I've mentioned my background before here. I was born Lutheran, then my parents switched to Assembly of God, then I went to a Baptist school (Independent I think), then I chose a Vineyard to attend myself and then when I met my husband, I started attending his Methodist church. So, YWAM and the School of the Bible were the only "cohesive" theology experiences I've had.
I'm the kind of person that likes to have it all fit. Bell describes this as having a brick wall for a faith. But I'm seeing it doesn't work like that. One of the reviews I read was critiquing that. Like people come to a faith like this choosing to have willy-nilly ideas. Usually, it works the other way around. We try to get a (what's the theological term for it?) systematic theology, and find that it doesn't fit everything. Most people just ignore the parts that don't fit, choosing to focus on the parts that have made the difference in their lives. For instance, many of the people in my parents' home AG church don't live by the AG credo that says, "if you aren't speaking in tongues on a regular basis, you aren't 'filled with the Spirit'." But, there are parts of the credo that they like really well, that have impacted them daily.
My thought is, why not have a community by community understanding. What works in the deep south may not work in Massachusetts. And so on. Let alone different nations. I mean, God is a big God. Surely we can't understand Him completely. Why not understand what He's done for us in our communities (that's important, Bell notes), and leave it at that. Keep learning, growing and changing, and let God lead each group where they need to go to fulfill the needs in that area.
It's still coming.
More as I get the next piece.

I've been thinking about this for a while. How do adults find friends? When we were small, we'd go up to someone, or I would... and I'd say, "I'd like to be your friend." Now as an adult, I realize thast's cheesy. It may have worked once or twice, but it doesn't work on big people. Their attitude will either be, "WTF?" or "Sure, I'll be your friend, but I don't have time to do anything with anybody today, or tomorrow or the next day..." Friendships happen a little more randomly these days, and they're usually based on a commonality. When one doesn't leave the house much, commonalities are rare, and those that develop into friendships even more so.
I'm not sure what I expect, except that I would like someone who isn't too busy to talk to me. I don't know how to find that person. And, they really have to have some similar interests, not just "I go to church with you, so you're nice." Maybe those things develop over time, but maybe they don't.
I just am finding out that I'm not doing what I'd like to be doing in almost everything. The only area I'm really doing what I feel I should in is taking care of these kids. And even that one thing isn't exactly the way it could be. I don't know. I have all these dreams: going back to school to get a degree in linguistics, maybe minor in art, maybe go on for a divinity degree; or just get my certificatoin and be the only interpreter in town; or at least work at a scrapbook store (one just changed hands and might need me in a few months). But none of them are doable right now, because I have this barely lingual toddler and a barely mobile baby. I realize that this is the most important thing I'll do all my life. It doesn't change the feeling that I'm going to go completely crazy if someone doesn't talk to me that can say something other than "Will do no-o-w, mommy?" or "Ma!" I realize that I've got more going for me than the pioneer ladies who lived miles away from their neighbors. But they usually had family living with them or went into town once a week. I don't know. I'm just struggling with whether I'm doing something wrong, or just having to deal with this for another few years. I thought I'd love motherhood. I like looking into the little faces and playing with them. I don't do so well with the times when I'm almost as needy as they are and I can't do anything about it, and only have the net to vent to. Or my husband, who gets frustrated when he can't fix everything.
I've said an awful lot about this lately. I'm not trying to complain, but I've been thinking about it a lot. So, it's what gets put into my journal.

"But God remembered Noah"....
Heh.

Thanks.


R and I talked a lot out this weekend, and got a few things in order. Mostly I realized that my feelings were probably (again) more a side effect of the tooth pain than anything else. I realized I have a tendencly to close down and shrink my view when I'm in pain. A lot. And I have to intentionally reach out, because people don't know I'm hurting or lonely unless I tell them. Which has always been hard. I hate being needy. Probably always will.

I realized today that I'm still having issues with my need to perform for people. I want people to know I cleaned the bathrooms. I want someone to notice and say, "Good job!" It's stupid, I know, but it's something I'm dealing with. Along with that, I realized that might be why I stopped having such a good prayer life. It's done in secret. Nobody sees how good of a pray-er I can be. Well, except God, and apparently, that's not enough, though it should be.

We walked to church last night. It was okay. A few minutes to listen to adults for awhile. Much needed. Listening to "Ta-ta" and "Doo-doo" all day long can get tiring. (his defiant sound, and how he says "water" or "music" )
R's thinking about a different job, because he's having trouble handling this one physically. He's working hard for almost 70 hours every week. Pray, because we want to do what's best.
Oh, I don't think I mentioned here that we're going to Idaho the first week of March for my little sister's wedding. Shoujld be interesting.

i was in church today, and was struck by the thought that maybe westerners worship our children the way easterners worship their ancestors. I'm an American, and every time I or someone else mentions going on a missions trip, I hear choruses of "I can't, I have kids." To me, that's not a reason to avoid the mission field, even the "hard places." I'm a YWAM Alum (as they prefer us to call ourselves now), and I have a two-year-old, and a baby who's 3 months old. I'm itching to take them on the field.
To me, it would be the experience of a lifetime for them, and I've seen firsthand how God uses kids. I don't know. I just get tired of hearing people say, "Well, that's alright if you're called to it." To me, it's like saying something as stupid as, "I'm pregnant, but I'm not called to be a mother, so I'll just abort." Not trying to offend anyone, but to inspire discussion and vent a little about the state of affairs in the church.
Keith Green's thing about praying to see if you're supposed to stay is trite to us, but a lot of people don't think about it. Maybe I'll say that the next time I hear "Oh, but you're called to that."
Ugh.
I know not everyone's intended to be a YWAMer, or a traditional missionary, but it's the attitude that stinks like the dunghill, so to speak.
Anyway. Just thought you folks would understand more than most.
X-posted to my blog, and ywam

Happy Birthday, elehu!


I was musing yesterday during service about how our church does worship. This is for the second service: the "contemporary" service. I love the songs, but I have a beef, and I wonder if anyone else has noticed it.
Let me preface this by saying that I was spiritually nurtured by the music of Ben and Robin Pasley, one of the best improvisational worship teams I've ever heard.

The phenomenon of worship CD's has been good for the Christian community. It allows everyone to know many of the same songs without having to travel hundreds of miles to attend the particular church the worship band ministers at. However, there is a drawback, in my opinion. It creats a staticity of worship. When many small church (or big church, small town in our case) worship leaders get a worship CD, they listen to it over and over, and fall in love with some of the songs. So, they bring said CD to their team, and say, "We're doing this one. " Said team listens to the CD over and over, getting every chord right, but also memorizing pitch, tone, and how long the song goes, how many refrains it has, even how many "hallelujahs" the singer adds. I don't mind the addition of the artist's own descant, heaven knows I do it myself. But, when you will only sing that song that way, I think it's limiting to the worship experience.

The church I grew up in had a different approach. They'd get the music or CD for a new song, and learn the chords. Then, they'd decide how they'd start it. Maybe it'd be sung two times, or whatever, and then, it was up to the pastor and team to feel things out.

I even sense more improv in the 8:30 service, which is the traditional service. There, the pastor has been known to test the organist's patience, by limiting or expanding the number of verses sung, depending upon the need. I've even seen him give her a sign that said, "keep playing, there's still people at the altar."

I don't sense that in the later service, where it seems it should be more prevalent. It's really starting to grate on me, and I'm trying to prevent that. I'm there to focus on God, but when it's so static I can tell you how it will go, how many letters'll show up on the power point slide, it's hard. I miss the simple days of overheads, or at least simple PP presentations that require up and down keys, not just paging through the way it'll go exactly.

The other thing that bothered me about yesterday's service was that the pastor had been gone and the worship leader said something to the effect that we should sing more loudly to welcome the pastor back, and then it was a song directed at the Lord... it really seemed incongruous to me. I understand stirring the people to worship, but ... that seemed downright wrong.

Of course, I was grumpy yesterday, for several reasons, not the least of which is a mild chest pain I've been having. I don't know if it's from the gas stove, having hurt my diaphragm, or just stress.
But, having the threshold of pain I do, I didn't recognize it for pain until it had gone away. If it persists much longer, I may have to see someone about it.
Hopefully it doesn't though, because it makes me grumpy and we're uninsured for a couple weeks...