I don't normally do the quote lyrics thing, but I'm going to tonight. R heard a conversation that threw me into what felt like a 'cascade failure of faith'. The things that kept me from complete meltdown were the fact that my personal experiences with my faith are pretty unexplainable otherwise. And that I prefer the tenets of the Scripture I know to anything else I've heard thus far.
I'm not going to go into details of the conversation, because it's not important. The important thing is that it made me think of some of the more colorful passages in Ezekiel, especially those about false shepherds and the like. And, it brought back to mind two songs that have been running through my head all week. I think without these songs, I would've dealt with the situation less easily.
Never Dim -- The Waiting
I think I smell the sunset
Think I feel the close of day
Clean shaven correspondents
Are all crowded at the gate
Smell the oil from their torches
Their voices growing more irate
Sheperd's staves are crooked
Leading every crooked way
All the sheep lock their doors
Yeah, they're pulling down their shades
The faithful looking in their mirrors
The faithful growing old and gray
But I look at you
Your eyes are clear and bright
I see your face
It's an amazing sight
Your glory Lord
Is still a burning light
The light that all our faithless hands
Could never dim
Think I smell the sunset
Think I smell the death of day
People laughing at a funeral
People dancing at a wake
All the seasons blend together
This bird's losing feathers everyday
But I look at you
Your eyes are clear and bright
I see your face
It's an amazing sight
Your glory Lord
Is still a burning light
The light that all our faithless hands
Could never dim
And everybody's tired and scared
And begging unbelief
But you have yet to break a sweat
You're not afraid
You're not afraid
I think I smell the sunset
Think I feel the close of day
Sheperd's staves are crooked
Leading every crooked way
People laughing at a funeral
People dancing at a wake
Wine Red -- The Hush Sound
Who shot that arrow in your throat?
Who missed the crimson apple?
It hung heavy on the tree above your head
This chaos, this calamity, this garden once was perfect
Give your immortality to me; I'll set you up against the stars
Gloria,
We lied, we can't go on
This is the time and this is the place to be alive
Who shot that arrow in your throat?
Who missed the crimson apple?
And there is discord in the garden tonight
The sea is wine red
This is the death of beauty
The doves have died
The lovers have lied
I cut the arrow from your neck
Stretched you beneath the tree
Among the roots and baby's breath
I covered us with silver leaves
Gloria,
We lied, we can't go on
This is the time and this is the place to be alive
The sea is wine red
This is the death of beauty
The doves have died
The lovers have lied
The sea is wine red
This is the death of beauty
The doves have died
The lovers have lied
The sea is wine red (Gloria, we lied)
This is the death of beauty (we lied, this is the time and place)
The doves have died (Gloria, we lied)
The lovers have lied (this is the time and place)
Very different songs, but both have been mixing up in my brain, reminding me of two things. One, that I'm not the only person to ever feel this way, and that His character doesn't change even if things aren't the way I thought they were. Two, I remember that I've done some seriously stupid things myself.
- Mood:
disappointed
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?sea
And, yes, I'm going somewhere with this.
Things about people my age and younger that get overlooked:
* We're night owls. I think a big factor is that folks my age got used to the internet's best time for speed being between 2-3 AM. So, we'd stay up to utilize that. From there, I think it just got more complicated. Or was complicated already.
* We can get information to and from each other more quickly, efficiently, and tersely than ever before. This leads to communities developed by the members, instead of easy acceptance of the limits of geography, socio-economic class or age, even. My group of friends, as I've mentioned, is online. We come from all sorts of levels of each. We share a couple things in common and that's what the "community" is based on. It works.
* Because of the ease of information and surface stuff, when we do go do something, we want it to be something that's deep / specialized / worth our time and effort. If it isn't, we'll just blow it off and get the summary later via text, IM or twitter from someone else. So, to attract our attention, it either needs to be new enough, or very high quality. Bonus points if it's both.
* Also because of the easy access of information, we get very specific and particular with who we spend our time / invite into our groups. It's not even "Music fans", or "genre fans". It's "Fans of this really obscure band that only plays on every third full moon." Or something similar. There are usually one or two defining characteristics for each set of friends. For example: I have my HP gaming friends, my Christian-I-went-to-YWAM-with-you friends, my Christian-I-grew-up-with-you friends, my ASL-class friends, and more. Some people fit into two or three categories, but early on, I learned that if you were in more than one category, I had to treat you a little different in each group. For me, this started very early. Like when I moved to Idaho-early.
* We tend to use whatever tools we've got available to make ourselves "heard". Blog, tweet, tee-shirts, texting, forum, facebook... We're used to having a say -- talking back. We're used to being able to change things by involvement -- with minimal effort. If we really feel passionate about something, it gets plastered pretty much everywhere in our "tech footprint". We blog about it. We tweet about it. We comment to others over IM / text about it. Sometimes, it's because we want a lasting record of it, and doing that and telling others at the same time saves us time and effort. However, I think it's because that's become our primary modes of communication. Watercooler chat has gone by the wayside when you can get that information delivered to a screen (tiny or big) near you. And when your friends of choice aren't near you geographically, necessarily, you put it out there for the world to see, knowing your friends will read it if they care.
* Sometimes, we're willing to sacrifice security for this community we've built. We'll share some personal things with the only other fan of "Third Full Moon" (my example band) that we've found for days. The connection is made quickly, strongly, and sometimes violently (not physically, but just strongly felt and strongly dealt with). A lot of us will go visit places we've never been because we know someone there. From these communities. Sort of like the old "Pen Pals", but more involved with less effort.
* We don't really tolerate intentional stupidity / ignorance very well. We're alright with someone who "just doesn't know" or "isn't aware", but if someone seems to know and disregards that knowledge, especially to the point of messing up a community, then they're labeled pretty quickly as "troll", or worse yet, "asshat" or something similar. This also applies to people who only have one tune to sing. If every post you ever make on a forum is about the Mets (and it's not a specifically tailored "Mets Forum"), then be prepared to be disregarded at the least and taunted at the worst. We're virulent and passionate, whether it be positively or negatively. And the nature of the technology and its dependence on words only makes that more clear.
Maybe someone else has done all this work and I'm just parroting him or her. However, I've been thinking about this in regards to the American church. I think in a lot of ways, the way it's set up by default seems to miss a lot of these things. Many churches have had the same focus for ten years. Even the more progressive churches change a few more times within that same span, but by their very nature need to keep a certain focus for a while. My generation (and those after me) honestly get very bored by this. There is value in waiting and quiet and patience, yes, but we find that to be a personal thing, done in the privacy of our own homes.
We'll put our money where our interests are. Easily. But when something seems to stop working, we want an update. A new version.
I posted those two links for a reason. The first has a video on it (at the bottom). It's long, but I thought it was very enlightening. It's Leo Laporte talking about how media has to change their ways because people my age (and younger) just don't really read newspapers or watch most television anymore. If you want to get your ad out there, then you have to go where the people are. I think there's a huge lesson in that for us as proponents of the Gospel. Jesus did just that. And really, he wasn't afraid of using examples that they'd understand. Fish. Bread. Grain. Even going so far as to quote some of their poets sometimes to get the point across. To keep up, I think we really need to understand the people we're talking to.
The second one was part of my reading last night. People who plant food know where and when as well as what to plant. I think unless we take at least a few of these to heart, we'll cease to be effective. Crop rotation. Changing methods to get more yield. The seed stays the same. The gospel stays sacrosanct. However, the way to get it out there has to change. Or we'll get left behind.
- Place:home
- Mood:
nerdy
Soon, I'll put up some of the things R and I have been talking about in reference to the traditional western "church" and people our age and younger. We're realizing, as I've said, that a lot of the way church is done doesn't catch many of that age group. So, we've got kind of a backwards look to it that we're considering. I'll probably post a lot of that here when we get it more structured and worded in ways people can understand. So far, the people I've talked to about it have been intrigued.
- Mood:
excited
In the time of the Prophets in scripture, Elisha healed a man named Naaman. He told him to go bathe in the river, dip seven times and be healed. Ok. He was. Good. After that, he offered Elisha stuff for his troubles. Elisha turned the stuff down. Well, Elisha's servant Gehazi decided he wanted the stuff. So, he tracked Naaman down and told him that Elisha had changed his mind. He came back, and gave the stuff to Gehazi. Gehazi was found out and punished, yadda yadda yadda.
What's been bothering me is this: Did Elisha acquiesce to the request Naaman made of worshipping Jehovah in Dagon's presence at least partially because of Gehazi's behavior?
I'm sure the primary reason it was allowed is because "the Lord looketh on the heart." Yes. We all know this. But I got to thinking. How did Jehovah appear to Naaman when the primary servant of the go-between is corrupt and twists things for his own ends? He probably couldn't see the difference between the religions, except for the fact that Jehovah was powerful enough to heal, whereas Dagon wasn't. So, he figured the same manner of worship would work.
I wonder if God let that be because He knew how it looked?
- Mood:
curious
I just finished up a 'State of the Blogosphere' survey from Technocrati. It made me realize I haven't done a proper update in a long time.
So, I figured I'd do just that; I'd let folks know what's been going on. At least some of it.
R is working for Schwan's. He likes the job on the whole, but there are things that are making it less tenable as time goes on. Which seems to be the case with everything but missions and art trading. Go figure.
- William is in first grade, and we started him on some medication for ADHD. The doc and I chose the smallest dose of the lowest dose meds. We'll work our way up if we have to when it's time to change. It seems to be having a very good impact, which I'm very glad of.
- Anna is finally learning to go potty. I just gave up this week and did the whole dress without diaper thing, and it's been amazingly successful. I'm glad. We're also gonna take her to a screening at the preschool for her speech. She's got a bit of trouble with a few letters. Nothing huge, but if she can go to preschool to get help, I'm all for it.
- I've been doing some writing. Most of it is for a particular audience, which I know most of you do not belong to, but I've also been working slowly on a book called Daymaker. It's a science fiction novel about a race of aliens who are trying to assist humanity along our merry way, but are ambushed by their own mortal enemies. The Daymaker is the human liaison with the aliens, and she has to help 'save the day', for lack of a better description.
- Earlier this summer, we had some drastic stuff happen to us which, combined with changes in Richard's job, led us to stop going to church. The gist of it is that we felt like we needed a smaller community. However, when R got transferred to a different depot, his schedule changed so that he's only home on Saturdays and Sundays. So, I spend my Sundays with my husband. I miss choir somewhat, but not enough to miss that time with R.
- Shortly after all that, I started going back to the mental health for counseling. They had me on some medication for anxiety / depression for a little while. It messed up my mind so much that I couldn't think straight. I was nauseous, dizzy, all sorts of fun things. So, I stopped that. Still talking to them about whether to try another one or just wing it. My money's on the latter, because of the reaction and the fact that my primary focus is these kids. If I can't parent, I'm ... it's not worth it. That was the point in the first place. I'm thinking that learning new coping strategies and keeping my communications up with friends will be the biggest help.
- Speaking of friends, I've found a great group of folks on one of my games. We chat via IM, and voice sometimes. We're a pretty disparate group, but we really get along well. It's a good thing
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
enriana, peacekeeper and several others are in the group. - I've been thinking a lot about basic faith. R and I have been tossing some ideas around about a new kind of church for those of us in our age range. It'd be completely different from regular Sunday morning service. I dunno if it'd ever come to pass, but I do know it's made me think about how we as technologically aware young adults (say 35 and under) connect with those who have similar ideals. And the old stone church house just isn't the right fit anymore. Part of this comes with the realizations from the other situation, and part of it's been coming for much longer than that. I'll probably do a post soon with some of our thoughts.
That's plenty for tonight. We're supposed to get up and do a few things tomorrow, so I really ought to be in bed.
Goodnight.
- Place:home
- Mood:
contemplative
The other thing that happened today was that we went to church. Possibly for the last time there. We're seriously considering a smaller church, and not just for the reasons I mentioned in my last post. It's been coming on a while. We love that church, but we can't find the community we need. We're not sure a traditional church setting will provide it. At least not in this town. We had an idea for a ministry / church type thing that would fit our understanding and lifestyle, but we'd have to be the ones to make it. I think it'd go over really well with those of our age group and younger, just because it's what they do anyway. However, it wouldn't work as well in smaller communities. I dunno. Obviously requires more talk and thought.
Otherwise, things are going well. Learning that sometimes, I need to keep my big mouth shut, but that's not news. Heh.
- Place:home
- Mood:
relieved - Noise of the Moment:Kid chatter.
Night. (to sleep, perchance to dream).
- Mood:
sore
Song running through my head all day long today. So, I thought I'd post the lyrics. Didn't go to church, because I've got a fever. Also, we got our washer and dryer today! Yay! Cheaper water and gas bills. Gotta love 'em.
Via Dolorosa - Sandi Patti (Songs From The Heart)
Down the Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem that day
The soldiers tried to clear the narrow street
But the crowd pressed in to see
A Man condemned to die on Calvary
He was bleeding from a beating, there were stripes upon His back
And He wore a crown of thorns upon His head
And He bore with every step
The scorn of those who cried out for His death
Down the Via Dolorosa called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King,
But He chose to walk that road out of
His love for you and me.
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.
Por la Via Dolorosa, triste dia en Jerusalem
Los saldados le abrian paso a Jesus
Mas la gente se acercaba
Para ver al que llevaba aquella cruz
Por la Via Dolorosa, que es la via del dolor
Como oveja vino Cristo, Rey, Senor
Y fue El quien quiso ir por su amor por ti y por mi
Por la Via Dolorosa al Calvario y a morir
The blood that would cleanse the souls of all men
Made its way through the heart of Jerusalem.
Down the Via Dolorosa called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King
But He chose to walk that road out of His love for you and me
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.
By Billy Sprague and Niles Borop
(c)1983 Meadowgreen Music and Word Music/ASCAP
- Mood: excited
I started going to handbells on Tuesday nights. Our new director is awesome. I understand that the ones we had before were pretty good, but they were used to dealing with folks who'd done this since they were my age, and now are all retired. So, having new blood in the group was kind of disconcerting for all of us. The new director, being new, started from scratch, and said, "I don't know how you did it before, but this is how we're going to do it now." And that helped, because I needed some of those fundamentals. I'm playing middle C and the B just below it (and all accidentals) and actually had a good practice. Not perfect, but it was much better, I was better relaxed and so on. The director is even going to be the one to come get me every week so that I can actually get there. Now, just to make sure R remembers to get the car seats. (Although, maybe she wouldn't mind getting them since she has quite a bit of spare time, anyway. She stays at the church between 5-6, so it's not a problem for her to come get us.)
My children are hilarious. For example, my daughter is standing here in a red and white Hawaiian shirt and pink, white-fur-lined boots. She's handing me random things that remind me of Thadd talking about his dog. Toys and such. Then, she says, "Here go, Mama." Just as cute as can be. Will has a Winne-the-Pooh cake topper from a cake he had when he was small, and Roo is getting stuck in the tree. (he's in a swing, being wrapped around.) Anna has learned to say "William" instead of just 'Will' but it sounds more like Will-wum. I love my kids, even when they annoy the goobers out of me.
I'm designing my first ever D & D campaign. The two players I have to work with are old hats, and are willing to have some strange plots thrown on them. So, I'm designing a game around Torchwood (The tv show). They will be a team sort of guarding a rift, and each will have some weird thing they have to deal with during the campaign. I won't talk about that here, just in the long shot that my beloved husband decides to read this. He hasn't yet, but it could happen. :D
There's going to be an art show at the church starting in the next couple of weeks, and I made a piece for it. I just hope it turns out as well printed out as it looks on screen. Then, I have to set it up and find a way to display it. Heh. First time for that.
- Mood:
grateful
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